Updated: May 26
(Please note that I am only referring to people who are genuinely looking for love and connection in this article, NOT people who solely want to hook-up).
1. Instant gratification
Have you noticed how “normal” it has become to sleep with a new love connection within just days of meeting them? How did this become so mainstream?
Real love is something that must be built up over time, and having sex before love is even established is kind of like, well … racing through the storyline because you’re desperate to see what the finale is all about. Spoiling the ending of a movie before having a chance to discover the plot. Doable, but not thrilling.
Instant gratification depreciates the value the two of you could actually provide to one another. Having sex with someone before getting the chance to bond on deeper levels, unnecessarily rushes the process of getting to know each other.
"Having sex before love is even established is kind of like, well... Spoiling the ending of a movie before having a chance to discover the plot. Doable, but not thrilling."
2. Dishonest connections
How many times have you been seriously interested in someone… only to realize that all they ever wanted from you was sex? Well, if you’re a woman, then I’m guessing a lot. It makes you feel dehumanized, like sex is all you are worth.
I’m not saying I’m above one-night stands or sleeping with someone within a few days of meeting them. Listen, I’ve done it all. Which is why I have the wisdom to share. But hook-up culture creates dishonest connections. People pretending to be interested in your personality, pretending to want to be in your life… until you sleep with them, and then they have suddenly lost interest. On to the next. Sadly, hook-up culture is simply a game to many people.
Giving into hook-up culture attracts all sorts of men (or women) who honestly couldn’t care less about you. And if love is what you’re looking for, then these are NOT the kinds of people you want to be attracting.
"I’ve seen men go out of their way in the name of securing sex. Proclaiming they love me... that I am the one!"
3. Mind over body
Hook-up culture is basically just real-life Tinder. We overemphasize the importance of looks. Over the years I found myself interested in many men, only to realize that my looks was all they were ever interested in. “Hanging out” with guys, only to realize I’m not the only girl they’re hanging out with. Entering relationships only to find that my new boyfriend was still flirting with his ex and all his female co-workers. These are not men who respect you. These are men simply looking to keep you around as their consistent source of sex.
At the end of the day, waiting to sleep with someone until you actually trust their intentions is the only way you will ever find real love. I’ve seen men go out of their way in the name of securing sex. Proclaiming they love me, that I am the most perfect woman, that they told their parents I am the one! But guess what… people just looking to hook-up are not likely to stick around for months and months just to have sex with you. They will go and find an easier target.