Internal vs External Validation: How Can I Start Craving My Own Internal Validation?

Updated: May 24

The way I see it, there are two major addictions a person can have. And that is to internal validation or external validation. If you are addicted to internal validation, well congratulations. No matter what you do, it will be because you want to do it. You will be the number one person you’re always looking to impress. You crave making yourself proud like it’s a drug, and making other people proud is just a cherry on top.

But if you’re addicted to external validation, you will never live life for yourself. You feel a deep sense of emptiness and unfulfillment on a daily basis, but don’t really know why. You think about other people far more than you should, but it’s such a natural part of your daily routine that you don’t even realize it. You may have big dreams, but you always stop yourself from doing something “big” because you keep thinking about what other people might think.

"If you're addicted to external validation, you feel a deep sense of emptiness and unfulfillment on a daily basis... but don’t really know why."

Being addicted to internal validation might sound like a good thing to some people, but bad to others. Because it is… it’s a neutral state of mind. But it depends on the person behind that state of mind as to how the scenario will play out. Someone craving internal validation might be selfish and greedy, and maybe they don’t care about hurting others... But that’s called abuse. We shouldn’t get that confused with someone who genuinely loves themselves and just plainly doesn’t care what others think. Someone who always finds a way of getting exactly what they want in life without hurting others. That is a healthy and extremely beneficial mindset to have, yet it is so often (and falsely) cast as “selfish” and “greedy” in society.

Whereas external validation, now that’s just bad all around. It’s an awful way to live and everyone knows it. It’s a curse that will follow you around until the day you die. But ultimately, it poses no threat… to other people. In fact, it benefits other people if you care more what they think. It gives them all the power.

"Someone who genuinely loves themselves and just plainly doesn't care what others think... is so often (and falsely) cast as 'selfish' and 'greedy' in society."

Why do you think craving external validation has always been such a widely promoted phenomena in society? Almost as if we've been brainwashed to care more what other people think than ourselves... well, I think you already know.

It threatens people when we crave our own internal validation. It means other people don’t have a hold over us. They can’t convince us to buy a certain product that will make us look or feel better about ourselves, because we know how to make ourselves feel better. We decide what we want in life, not them. Craving external validation, on the other hand, only leaves you at the mercy of others. They get to decide your life for you.

"If someone is putting you down, it’s because you are shining light onto a part of their soul that requires deep healing."

This is why not caring what people think requires so much inner work. You must know yourself at your core if you want to be strong enough to reject the nonconstructive input of others. Of insecure people telling you you’re not good enough or picking at the way you do things. But deep down, it's because they hold insecurities they are unable to face. In order to validate their own emotions, they must put down anyone who triggers their deepest fears and insecurities. If someone is putting you down, it’s because you are ultimately shining light onto a part of their soul that requires deep healing. A part of them that they are unable and unwilling to face, so their only choice is to reject you and make you feel bad for ever shining that light in the first place.

Now, are you really going to let people like this hold you back from living the life you want?



Photo by Riccardo Mion on Unsplash



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