Rebounding is just about the worst possible thing you can do for your mental health. It may work for some people (usually those who weren’t all that into their ex to begin with). But if you were in love with your ex, or if the relationship meant a lot to you… then yeah, rebounding will be your demise.
1. The foundation of comparison
What happens when we find someone new, and we are not yet over the last person we were with? Comparison. If you are not yet over your ex, it is virtually impossible to meet someone new and not start comparing stats. What do they have that my ex doesn’t have? How much more successful is this person, compared to my ex? Oh wow, they don’t do that annoying thing that my ex always did. They must be perfect for me!
When you enter a new relationship, you have to fall in love with the person for who they are... not for how much better or worse they are compared to your ex. The foundation of comparison is built on superficial judgement (we tend to focus mostly on external and materialistic factors when comparing our ex with someone new). But what happens when you start dating that new person? Eventually, you’re forced to get to know who they actually are... flaws, past traumas, and baggage galore! And trust me, no amount of comparing them to your ex will ever have prepared you for that.
"When you enter a new relationship, you have to fall in love with the person for who they are... not for how much better or worse they are compared to your ex."
2. No time to process
If you get into a new relationship within a few weeks or even months of a serious break-up, you’re not ready. Chances are you haven’t been processing the break-up at all, which is why you’re in such a rush to be with someone else in the first place. Because people who DO process break-ups, well… they tend to come to the conclusion that they should stay single for a while. The more serious the relationship was, the longer you want to stay single. For starters, getting over someone requires serious personal development work, and here’s why…
3. Distracting yourself, from yourself
Rebounds are just a way to distract ourselves, from ourselves. The whole point of a relationship is to grow as a person, discover who you are. We learn about ourselves through other people. Processing a break-up means to dive into your own inner psyche, figure out what exactly went wrong in the relationship. If your ex hurt you... Why did you put up with it? Why did you ignore the red flags? These questions are vital to ask yourself if you want your next relationship to work out. And if you did the hurting? Yup, you guessed it… Why? What made you feel the need to stay with your partner if you weren’t all that into them in the first place, if you lost interest somewhere along the way or simply didn't trust them?
"Rebounding is just a sign that you have a fear of being alone."
THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE: At the end of the day, rebounding is just a sign that you have a fear of being along. And fears we resist, persist. Save yourself the hassle of prolonging that fear and dive into the wonderful world of being single (i.e. be in a relationship with yourself for once). Discover who you really are, what you really want (not just in love, but in life), and your next relationship is sure to be built on a secure, solid foundation.