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What Having No Friends in High School Taught Me

Updated: May 25


I used to be that loud, obnoxious kid that demanded attention and led my group of friends around like a pack. I was powerful and influential. But that didn't last long. By the time I turned 13, my brain just kind of inverted itself and I became this super deep, critical thinker. Then a new girl moved to town and kind of took over my friend group, which caused a lot of unexplained insecurities at the time that I couldn't understand. I was no longer that loud, obnoxious kid but at the same time, it kind of felt like my role of "influencer" was being completely stripped away from me (yes, I considered myself an influencer long before the term became a global phenomenon). I no longer had a purpose among people.


So I inverted into my brain and discovered a whole world in there. I became obsessed with reading books and studying nutrition facts on the internet (and developed a few eating disorders along the way). I spent all my lunch hours in the school library, reading up on this calorie counting forum (that was very popular at the time but I believe has been taken down due to it possibly instigating eating disorders). I hated being seen by people, I just wanted to disappear completely so there would be nothing left to see.


"I was the lone sheep that gets attacked by a pack of lions, simply because it's an easy kill. All blood and no consequences, right?"

Because I was so odd, this attracted everyone's attention. I got to experience what life was like at the "bottom of the pyramid". People would humiliate me for no reason, because they knew I had no one on my side to protect me. I was the lone sheep that gets attacked by a pack of lions, simply because it's an easy kill. All blood and no consequences, right?


Instead of it making me hate myself (which it undoubtedly did in the years to come), I eventually became really good at analyzing human behavior and all their hidden insecurities. It was plainly obvious to me that the people who picked on me the most were deeply insecure with themselves. And I got to see a side of them that most people didn't.


"It was plainly obvious to me that the people who picked on me the most, were deeply insecure with themselves."

This shifted my perspective in a way I never imagined it could after high school. I began to see myself as powerful, because I truly believed that if people could bully me for no reason (other than I was a quiet loner), there must be something so strong, so influential about me, that threatened their very core. Their subconscious was clearly picking up on something about me that not even I could see myself.


Well, I see it now. And now I am armed with enough world experience and knowledge, not to mention an insane passion for writing and storytelling, that maybe I could change the world. Dissecting human behavior is a pastime for me, so why not dive fully into it and try helping some people along the way?


In high school I vowed to myself to one day, do all that I could to get out there and share my story with the world. Simply because it's the last thing anyone who used to pick on me would have ever expected. And because I don't allow people to treat me like garbage and get away with it. Sorry, but it's not that easy. Just ask all the others.


So to my fellow high schoolers, this one's for you.


xx

SUBLIMINAL HUMAN


Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

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2020, SUBLIMINAL HUMAN

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